What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger or not

I have a hate-love relation to this statement. It was one of my mother’s favorites I heard quite a lot growing up.

I believe the hate feeling comes from my remembered response to the way and the situation in which my mother used it. It was a survival strategy for her, a tool to distance and protect herself (emotionally) from getting enmeshed in my struggles with whatever challenge I may have been facing. I sense it was that – a means of self-preservation for her. Perhaps, had my mother first tended to me emotionally (acknowledging my struggle, expressing empathy and compassion for me), I might feel differently about it… I might have learned how to process my experiences, deriving strength from the challenges and acknowledging them as the building blocks of my life….without any negative emotional residue – that’s the key there. But then, she did have 7 children – 16 – 18 months apart, and just may have not had the capacity to heed the step by step process at the time.

The love sentiment I feel for this statement has much room for growth. It’s in the spirit of this statement where I can possibly find some truth – a truth that points to the Right attitude – an attitude that calls upon me to be present, in the moment and ready to engage fully with whatever may present.

The statement can be seen to challenge me to be fearless – to believe in myself, with an implied trust that I am supported; and yet, it seems to herald from another earlier era – an era of knights and super heroes fighting to their death for their king, country and personal honor.

Looking at it now, I don’t like this statement at all. It can be seen and used as an excuse and cover up for an action that undermines public good for personal gain….You can dump a bunch of toxins in your backyard or down the city sewer (too lazy to take them to a toxic dump site), grin and say this statement by means of defense – l’ve heard it used in this fashion; You could get sick, really sick and be left with a chronic health condition and this statement would simply be a lie.

Enough mental gymnastics on this one…I feel the real issue is not the intellectual wrangling about this statement but the feelings toward my mother that the wrangling has surfaced…now to address and release those I’ll tune in and listen…another technique entirely….something I’ll blog about some day.

Copyright © Julia von Flotow 2007